we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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