I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
