fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
