I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
