I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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