i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize