There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
