Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
God, I missed his penis.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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