I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Randomize
