try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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