Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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