I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
