my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
