Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
