I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
