I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
