I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
