then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
