Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
