Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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