He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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