can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
