dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
