i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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