let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
