what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
