I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
