Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
my liver is dry heaving
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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