Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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