i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
