i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
