honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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