I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
