He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
