Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
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