i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
