is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This toilet bowl is my home.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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