you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
