I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
