She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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