I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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