Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
