Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Everyone says I win the strip club
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
