My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
