based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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