You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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