dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
