you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
