I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
