4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
