rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
