the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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