we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
then he tried to convert me to islam
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize