1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
