I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize