Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
