don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
