Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize