i will never coherently bang her
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
