It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
