I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
