i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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