is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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