My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
