...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
