Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
