The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
