if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
